Roya Backlund•May 11, 2020•11 min read
If you’re a dog owner, you know your furry best friend has a personality so deep and nuanced that it totally warrants a horoscope of their own. After all, your dog has a zodiac sign, and they’re being affected by astrology just as much as you are. “Pluto” isn’t just a planet in astrology; it also happens to be the name of Mickey Mouse’s dog! What more proof do you need? Just check out last week’s dog horoscope and ask your dog whether it was accurate or not.
But don’t take our word for it. Let the astrology for the week of May 11 to May 17 speak for itself. With Venus — planet of cuddles and treats — stationing retrograde this week, your dog is certainly having problems of their own. They’re probably having way more arguments with the cat than usual and maxing out your credit card on luxury dog websites. Luckily, with Taurus season underway, the answer to these problems is simple: more naps. More dog food. More play. Veterinarian’s orders!
Being the Aries dog that you are, “impulsive” is probably your middle name. You have the tendency to act first and think later. Luckily, you can definitely blame this quality of yours on your zodiac sign! Unfortunately, that defense might not get you very far this week. You might be suffering from paw-in-mouth syndrome and saying the first thing that pops into your mind before really thinking it through. Be careful, being too upfront with your crush could make things awkward! And if you’re too brash when you demand food without even saying “please” or “thank you,” your human will probably think you’re rude too. Don’t worry, Aries. You’re not rude; you’re just an Aries!
Step away from the credit card and nobody gets hurt! You’re really overdoing it with the spending, Taurus. I know browsing online luxury pet shops makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but there’s a big leap between “Add to cart” and “Complete purchase” that you need to consider. If you think cashmere dog sweaters and all organic artisanal dog treats that cost $15 per bag will fill that void inside your heart, you’re wrong. This week, you need to learn how to appreciate what you have. Your human isn’t an ATM; they work super hard to give you everything they can! Why not give them a lick of appreciation instead of charging their credit card when they’re not looking?
When you’re not focusing on something, your mind tends to run wild. After all, you are a Gemini! Your thoughts run almost as fast as your mouth. Be careful of negative thought spirals this week because you might be too ruff on yourself. When you look in the mirror, you might be unsatisfied with the dog that looks back. You might be comparing yourself to different breeds of dog, wishing you were the same size as them or you had fur like they do. This is bad thinking, Gemini! You should feel so proud of the type of dog you are, because that’s exactly the type of dog your human adopted. Doesn’t that make you more special than all the rest of them? Remember, the grass is always greener at the other dog park!
You’re an emotional dog and you just can’t help it, Cancer! There’s a reason why your zodiac sign is associated with cry babies. This week, you might find yourself whining and whimpering whenever your human leaves through the front door. Your abandonment issues are being revealed and you need to remember: You are OK! Your human is not leaving you! They just stepped outside to do some grocery shopping or get the mail. Take a few deep breaths and go focus on something else, like playing with your favorite squeaky toy or taking a nap. Your human will be back before you know it, but if you’re anxiously waiting by the front door, it’ll take forever!
A dog is only as great as their pack, Leo! Even though you’re a star who loves to sashay your tail on your own, you know you need your brothers and sisters. However, this week, you might be rethinking some of your friendships. Just because they have shiny fur and walk on all four legs doesn’t mean they’re worthy of being your dog mates! Make sure you’re not placing your loyalties in the paws of dogs who don’t truly have your back. Think of which dogs were there for you during hard times. Were they still your friend when your human gave you that bad haircut? How about when your breath smelled like cat food (because you ate cat food)? If they were still your friend then, that means something.
You’re such an ambitious dog, Virgo. You’re the last zodiac sign to procrastinate because you hate falling behind! This week, you’re setting your mind on achieving some paw-some goals, such as learning how to stand on your hind legs or putting away your toys when you’re done playing with them. Because you care so much about doing a good job, you may be very sensitive to criticism. If your human calls you a “bad dog,” don’t take it too personally. They still think you’re the greatest thing since bacon-flavored dog treats, they just want to remind you of what not to do — like pee in the house or chew on your human’s shoes. As long as you cut it out, they’ll have no reason to call you a “bad dog” ever again. Everyone wins!
You might feel all cooped up this week, Libra. You’re sick of playing in the backyard or taking your usual walk through the neighborhood. You want to explore the world! You want adventure! While you probably can’t live your dreams of being the canine version of Indiana Jones, you can certainly satisfy your desire for something exciting and new. Why not take a walk somewhere different than you usually do? Why not make a dream board of all the places in the world you’d like to visit someday? Even though you probably can’t travel right now, imagining yourself up at the Grand Canyon or the Appalachians will definitely satisfy you in the meantime. Keep that tail up, Libra!
You love to be adored, Scorpio. After all, you are a Scorpio, and you can’t help it that you love being worshipped and waited on! However, you need to remember to give back instead of just taking. When your human calls your name, make sure you go to them. When your human needs a cuddle, it’s your job to make them feel loved. You might think being a dog means you don’t have to work and your only job is to take naps all day. This week, you’re learning that being a dog actually does come with a few duties, the most important one being to spread the sweetness! Make sure you help your human create an environment filled with generosity and unconditional love.
You’ve been texting your crush all day long lately, Sagittarius. Since you don’t have opposable thumbs, it takes you quite a long time and a whole lot of energy to compose a text. You must really like this other dog in order to stay so committed to your conversation! However, you might not be so sure whether or not they just want to be pals or take things to the next level. It may be time to confess your feelings, Sag-ittari-pup! Ask them if they’d be interested in sniffing each other’s butts, because you know that means things are getting serious in the doggie dating world. And if they’re not interested, at least you know you’ve made a new furry friend!
You’re used to having a very strict routine, Capricorn. You wake up right when your human does and then your day consists of a steady rhythm of eating, napping, pooping, and playing. Why complicate things? However, this week, you might feel totally disorganized. Maybe you forgot to poop during your walk and it ruined the careful balance of your daily routine! Maybe you lost your favorite ball at the dog park and it’s making you feel like something very important is missing. Take a deep breath, Capricorn. All of these things can be fixed! Just take one step back and regroup. If you put paw to paper and write down a to-do list, it’ll make you feel so much better!
You’ve been dating the German shepherd for quite some time now, Aquarius. Unfortunately, you might be feeling like the relationship has lost its spark. When you lick their face, you don’t get butterflies the way you used to. When you Netflix and chew bones, you feel like their mind is elsewhere. However, this doesn’t mean you have to break up! If you really care about your heart’s desire, this is an opportunity to spice things up. Why not go out on a date instead of staying home and watching “Bolt” for the fifth time? Why not wear your shiniest collar instead of showing up to your date like you just woke up from a nap? If you put in just a little bit of effort, the spark will be back before you know it!
You’re such a homebody this week, Pisces. In fact, you’re too much of a homebody. Your human feels like they’re dragging you on your daily walks against your will! All this time spent in lockdown may be making you forget how awesome the great outdoors is. Don’t you remember the amazing feeling of peeing on your favorite tree? How about smelling that tree to see if other dogs peed there too? What about smelling other dogs’ poop?! Come on, it’s pretty gross, but you used to love it so much! It’s time to reconnect with your inner puppy and remember all the exciting things that can only happen when you leave the house. Do you want to be a brave, adventurous wolf or a scaredy cat, Pisces? The choice is yours!