February 24, 2020
If Mercury retrograde has already got you chasing your tail, you may not be prepared for just how dog-eat-dog this transit can be. Mercury retrograde is bound to get even worse this week, so if your dog is barking just as you start to drift off to sleep, digging holes in your freshly planted azaleas, or stealing the chicken off your plate right before your very eyes, you’ve got Mercury retrograde to blame (and certainly not your dog). Just try to take a deep breath before calling your pup a “bad dog” because, truthfully, they’re only doing their best during one of the most trying times in astrology!
It’s one of the greater injustices in this world that horoscopes have only been written for humans throughout the ages. Luckily, canines don’t have to worry about that anymore, because their horoscope for the week of February 24 to March 1 has officially arrived. However, if you’re a little late to the game, you might want to check out last week’s dog horoscope too. But don’t linger in the past too long. Here’s to the future:
Don’t worry, Aries. If you’re having nightmares, remember they’re not real. I know you’re a dog, so you might have some trouble telling your dreams apart from your reality, so let me give you some peace of mind! You might be dreaming of your human returning home from work way too late, getting in trouble for pooping on the living room floor, or even a cat being elected president of the United States! I know, terrifying, right? Fear not, my sweet little Aries. While you’re having that nightmare, your human is on the other side of consciousness taking a funny video of you twitching in your sleep. You can laugh it all off as soon as you wake up.
Check out the Aries dog horoscope from last week.
Do you feel like you’re outgrowing your pack, Taurus? If conversations aren’t getting your tail wagging, you might find that you don’t have too much in common anymore. Perhaps they’re all still in the puppy phase while you’re itching to run with the wolves! You’re ready for a serious game of fetch, Taurus. No more of that amateur stuff. It may be time to find some dog mates who are on the same leash-length as you. That doesn’t mean you have to bark things off with your old friends! It just means that you’re ready to meet some like-minded doggie individuals who inspire you. Make a point of introducing yourself to that a few other dogs this week and see where these new, mature relationships take you.
Check out the Taurus dog horoscope from last week.
You’re a dog with way too many paw-ssibilities this week, Gemini. Do you want to become the smartest dog? The funniest dog? The most famous dog? The most artistic dog? There’s no need to make up your mind just yet, but I wouldn’t go barking your ideas from the rooftops either. If you let everyone know you want to be the next Beethoven one day and then the next Scooby-Doo by tomorrow, no one’s going to take you seriously! I know you have trouble keeping your snout shut (I mean, you’re a Gemini after all) but try to keep it to yourself until you know for a fact what your next move is. The only flip-flopping you should ever do is chew on your human’s favorite pair of flip flops.
Check out the Gemini dog horoscope from last week.
You’re going on all sorts of adventures this week, Cancer. You’re hopping into the passenger seat of your human’s car, sticking your head out the wisndow, and… getting stuck in traffic. You’re running like the wind all the way over to the dog park… only to accidentally step in your own poop. You’re smelling all sorts of pretty flowers… and sneezing repeatedly. OK, OK, so Mercury is retrograde and your adventures might wind up being more like misadventures. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t still have a good time, right? if you’re getting a little lost, you’ll always find your way back. You’ve got spirit, pup!
Check out the Cancer dog horoscope from last week.
Uh oh, Leo. Is your ex showing up at your doggie door? I know you keep saying that you’re totally over the beautiful poodle who lives across the street, but are you being totally honest with yourself? Don’t you even remember how you saw them that day? Sniffing the greyhound who lives down at the cul-de-sac! If your ex is wondering if you’d like to grab a cup of paw-fee together so that you both can get “closure,” you might want to reconsider. Seeing the poodle all over again might bring back all sorts of complicated feelings. There’s no need to rummage through dirty laundry! And I mean that literally and figuratively, Leo.
Check out the Leo dog horoscope from last week.
Are you feeling smitten, Virgo? Does that collie you’ve been texting lately give you the icky and excited feeling of butterflies in your belly? But are they really giving back as much as you’re putting in? You deserve better! I know dogs don’t wear glasses, but if they did, you’d be wearing rose-colored ones. You’re in love with the idea of this collie, Virgo — not the actually dog. All signs point to the fact that this collie is all about the chase, and now that they’ve caught you, they’re losing interest. Remember, there are plenty more dogs at the dog park. Trust me, they weren’t that special. All dog poop stinks, including the collie’s!
Check out the Virgo dog horoscope from last week.
Let’s talk about that diet of yours, Libra. No we’re not fat-shaming you here (you look beautiful as you are), we’re talking about sticking to food — and only food. Your human’s closet is not a buffet of various shoes for you to gnaw on. Chowing down on the grass outside will only make your stomach feel queasy. Gorging yourself on cat food won’t won’t do either because it’s got way too much protein for canines! Come on, Libra. I know dogs literally never stop being hungry and will literally eat until they pass out if they could, but enough is enough. If you want to change things up, ask your human for a different brand of kibble! Problem solved.
Check out the Libra dog horoscope from last week.
Time to hit up the doggie club, Scorpio. They’re playing “Who Let The Dogs Out” by Baja Men and I don’t know who did it, but you’ve officially been let out. Why not call up your pack to paw-ty? You’ve been on such good behavior lately and you deserve to unleash and let loose. Hit up the groomers and get your fur did. Make a couple of canine-safe cocktails. Shake that booty like you’re drying yourself off after a bath. Just make sure you don’t go overboard! If you party a little too hard, you might just find yourself without a bone tomorrow. And guess who won’t have any sympathy for you? Your human, who probably stayed home waiting for you.
Check out the Scorpio dog horoscope from last week.
Are things getting a little complicated at home lately, Sagittarius? Is your bed lumpy and uncomfortable? Is your kibble starting to taste a bit bland? Have your toys lost their luster? Don’t pout, Sagittarius dog. This is your chance to spice things up and make them your own! Why not go out and buy a bed that feels cozy to you? Why not try out a new brand of dog food? Why not get outside and play in the great outdoors instead? You need to reset and reimagine what your goals are. Sometimes all it takes is looking at something you’ve seen a million times before from a brand new perspective to see how lucky you are. So try staring at the couch upside down, sleeping in the sink, or taking the stairs backwards. Life is only as boring as you make it!
Check out the Sagittarius dog horoscope from last week.
Oh, Capricorn. I know Mercury retrograde has been stressing you out lately, but try not to take it out on the home appliances. Chewing on your human’s cables will do little to calm your anxiety. Sitting on their laptop and accidentally deleting their documents with your butt won’t do any good either. Why not talk your stress out instead? I know your human doesn’t speak “dog,” but if you bark at them with intention, I’m sure they’ll get the message. You can’t keep all these things to yourself, even if it requires a canine translator to truly understand what the heck you’re trying to say. And the only way to access that is on that computer you’re desperate to break!
Check out the Capricorn dog horoscope from last week.
I know you’ve been blasting “Material Girl” by Madonna and changing the words “girl” to “dog” lately (which, we admit, sounds really good), but you’re only putting yourself in doggie debt with the way you’ve been spending. You don’t need a diamond encrusted collar, a cashmere dog sweater, or those artisanal treats that cost a paw and a hind leg! I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, Aquarius. What would your wolf ancestors think of your financial habits? Back in their day, they actually had to band together and hunt for the food you just expect to appear twice a day in your dog bowl. Think about that the next time you’re thinking of making it rain in the mall again!
Check out the Aquarius dog horoscope from last week.
You might want to think twice about that hairdo, Pisces. I know you’ve been dreaming of making a change, but you might not be thinking so clearly right now. You might like dyeing your fur pink for about five minutes… right before you start to regret it. Also, shaving it all off might make you look like a bad ass mongrel, but you’d probably miss your long, luscious locks you’ve been growing for so long. Try to focus on how beautiful you already are! Mercury retrograde is not the time for dog day decisions. Remember, your human adopted you for a reason. Look in the mirror, Pisces. You’re paw-sitively dog-ilicious!
Check out the Pisces dog horoscope from last week.