May 25, 2020
If you’re a believer in astrology, why wouldn’t it affect your canine best friend just as much as it affects you? After all, you both exist in the same universe and are being affected by the same planets. Just because your dog has a tail and walks on all four legs doesn’t exempt them from fully embodying the personality of their zodiac sign!
And even if you don’t believe in astrology (and let’s be serious, you probably believe in it at least a little bit), the sun does happen to be in open-minded and adaptable Gemini, so why not embrace a different perspective? Either way, both you and your dog deserve a horoscope for the week of May 25 to May 31, so keep on scrolling for more. And hey, if you’re desperate for more astrolo-pup content, check out last week’s dog horoscope as well. Astrology never stops!
You’re one of the most ferocious, energetic, and competitive dogs in all the zodiac, Aries! After all, you do happen to be ruled by planet Mars, AKA the “God of War.” Everyone probably thinks you’re some big, scary monster with sharp, vicious fangs! However, that couldn’t be further from the truth. You might be feisty, but you’re a full-blown puppy underneath that tough mongrel exterior. In fact, you’re probably feeling more like a puppy this week than usual! All you want is a cozy blanket, a belly rub, and all your human’s attention. You need to hear that you’re the “best dog in the world” this week, or else you might have to show those teeth! You need to be loved and adored and no one gets hurt!
You have a reputation for being a super chill, laidback dog, Taurus. In fact, you’re the last dog to start barking when they hear a barely perceptible noise coming from outside. You’re also famous for sighing judgmentally at your human rather than panting at them with excitement! You’re just too cool for doggie training school, Taurus. That’s why your behavior this week is so alarming! You’re talking so fast that no one can keep up. You’re barking so much that your human is thinking of calling the vet and asking for an explanation! It’s not that you’re suddenly forgetting who you are, Taurus. It’s simply that you’ve got so much to say. Let Gemini be the season that helps you speak up louder than ever!
Ka-ching! Is that the sound of the cash register popping open yet again, Gemini? After all, you’ve got so much birthday money to spend! However, let’s not forget Venus — planet of money and luxury — is currently retrograde. Make sure you’re not wasting your precious bones on meaningless things because it may come back to bite you in the butt later! I know that Egyptian cotton pleated doggie bed sounds promising, but did you read the part where it says “non-refundable”? I know a robotic machine that dispenses treats for you whenever your human is gone seems like a good idea, but don’t you remember how bored you get of new things? It may be best to save up for a dog-day-afternoon!
You’re woofin’ to the classic tune of “Mr. Brightside” this week, Cancer, cause you are comin’ out of your cage and you are doin’ just fine. It’s like you’re waking up from a long, sleepy, dream-filled nap and you’re ready to take on the world with a doggie vengeance! After a nice, satisfying yawn, of course. You’re following your human around, you’re barking at potential intruders, and you are wagging that tail on all your many walks throughout the day! This is exactly how being a dog should feel, Cancer, so soak up as many belly rubs as you can. You are not dozing off in the shadows anymore! You’re reminding your human exactly why they chose you instead of all the other dogs at the adoption center (but you’re too nice to say something like that, because you’re a Cancer, after all)!
Leo, you know how to live the good life! After all, you are ruled but the sun, and you’re constantly walking on sunshine with all four legs. However, this week, something’s amiss! Normally, all you have to do is shut those pretty puppy eyes and you’re instantly in dreamland. But this week, it’s like you’re suffering from acute doggie insomnia or something! You’re staring at the cat sleeping in all its melty glory and feeling totally green with canine envy. Why is sleep suddenly so difficult? Well, Mercury — planet of cognitive function — has entered your 12th house of the subconscious, and maybe you’re a teeny tiny bit afraid of what your subconscious holds! Don’t worry, Leo, this is only temporary. Just try not to wake your human up at 4 a.m. because you’re bored!
Did you know you’re probably the most intelligent dog in all the zodiac? It’s not even up for debate, Virgo! You’re ruled by analytical and intellectual Mercury and you learn all sorts of tricks quicker than saying, “You want another treat?” That’s why the fate of dogu-manity rests on your back, Virgo pup. What causes are nearest and dearest to your heart? It’s time to put your paws together and create a plan to liberate dogs from their cages and give them a home! Not only will every dog in all the land admire you for your efforts, but you’ll also feel so good about yourself. You don’t even need treats to validate what a saint you are! Dream big, Virgo, because you might just be able to spearhead doggie world peace.
You’ve got stars in your eyes this week, Libra. However, when you tell other dogs your plan of becoming a world famous dog, they might cackle in your face. You’re a dog! What dog wants to become famous when all a dog needs is kibble, cuddles, a daily walk, and squeaky ball toys? Truth be told, Libra, those dogs are haters and chances are, they’re jealous that you have so much vision! Think of Boo the Pomeranian, Marnie the Shih-tzu, and Tuna the Chih-weenie! Do you think they let anyone else doubt their potential? Nope, they continued being adorable and accumulating millions of Instagram followers! That could be you too, Libra, so don’t give up hope and definitely don’t take anyone’s negative opinions seriously. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to!
Your human just put on the Disney movie “Aladdin,” and although you were very disappointed to find that there are absolutely zero dogs in the movie, you were incredibly inspired. You know the song that goes “I can show you the world,” the one where Aladdin and Jasmine are flying on a magic carpet? Scorpio, you know you became instantly obsessed. Now, all you want to do is find a magic carpet and go for a ride of your own! You’re sick of the neighborhood park and the backyard. You want to explore everything the world has to offer! Your human is probably concerned that you’re sniffing around the storage room looking for magic carpets all day every day, but it’s their fault they introduced you to such magic!
What has gotten into you, Sagittarius? You’re so… “emotional” these days. You don’t like it one bit! You much prefer to be the dog who DGAF and laughs everything off. It’s just the inner comedian in you! However, it’s like every little thing is making you tear up and it’s leaving stains on your pretty fur! You are this close to starting a paw-tition that asks all cable networks to officially take down that Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercial because it’s making you a doggie wreck. Your human is officially out of tissues to share with you! Don’t fret, Sagittarius. Expressing your emotions doesn’t make you weak. It’s actually a testament to how strong and heartfelt you truly are!
Be honest, Capricorn. You’re still not over that Shih-tzu that broke your heart last summer and left you for the Siberian Husky. You’re still wondering why they chose that dog over you! But, come on, Capricorn. It’s been a whole year since that dog-lationship came to an end! It’s time to get back out there and go on a couple of dates with a dog that really gets your tail wagging. Love is out there, sweet Capricorn! You just have to be open to finding it again. And don’t worry about getting your heart broken again because love is always worth the risk and there are always plenty of fishes in the sea (and at the pet store). And if you want to know a little secret, the Siberian Husky turned out to be a total douche and your ex-Shih-tzu knows they screwed up!
You’ve been barking the same bark lately and your human is just starting to make out the words “self-care” from your doggie rambling! You’re feeling fully inspired to become the best dog you can possibly be and it’s got you signing up for every healthy regimen in the book! You’re mixing chopped greens into your dog food, starting off each morning with a good downward facing dog, and you’re even meditating to puppy sounds before bed! Your human is even starting to notice the improvement. In fact, your human might be a little insecure about how much less you’re relying on them for validation! So go humor them, Aquarius dog. Let them know you would be nothing without hearing them say the words “good doggie”!
Oh Pisces. You are one hopeless romantic, even for a dog! A Labradoodle just moved in next door and it’s leaving you swooning. You love watching them sashay their adorable tail whenever their human takes them for a walk. You’re even counting down the days until you no longer have to social distance so you can run up to them and sniff their butt! In the meantime, you’ll settle for putting paw to paper and writing all sorts of sappy love poems about them and their funny (but oh so cute) breed. But be careful, Pisces. You’ve never even met the Labradoodle! I know you’re crushing hard, but before you get your leash in a twist, make sure they’re actually who you think they are. You know you have a tendency to romanticize other dogs!
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