June 22, 2020
Is your dog a little too possessive of you, like your average Scorpio? Or, maybe they bark too much about current events, like your typical Gemini? Perhaps they’re more of a Sagittarius who likes to go on long, never-ending walks? Heck, they could even be a Taurus who just wants to curl up on the couch and eat treats! No matter what zodiac sign they are, all dogs are beautiful according to astrology (and general life experience). What better way to celebrate that than by checking out their dog horoscope for the week of June 22 to June 28! And, if you’re not 100% sure what horoscope your dog is, you can take this dog zodiac sign quiz!
This week, your dog is feeling more motivated, hungry, and competitive than ever, thanks to the fact that Mars — planet of energy and intensity — is entering Aries. Chances are, your furry best friend is taking that game of tug of war a little too seriously. It’s just a game, pup! Just. A. Game. No need to show so much teeth! If you like going back in time (back to when your dog didn’t want to rip everything to shreds), feel free to read last week’s dog horoscope instead. But don’t dilly dally, because Mars in Aries is coming at you fast.
You’re used to being the alpha dog around these parts, Aries. It’s simply in your nature! You can’t help but go paws to the wall when it comes to being number one. However, this week, there’s a new sheriff in town. An Italian Greyhound has recently moved into the neighborhood — and although you judged their small stature, assuming you had nothing to worry about — they’ve suddenly usurped your role as the local pack authority. Are you just gonna let them walk all over you? Not even! Why not challenge them to a duel? First one to finish a heaping bowl of kibble wins! And don’t underestimate their abilities, Aries. Look what happened last time you underestimated them. Oh, and pro tip: Make sure you skip breakfast before the duel!
You’re sick and tired of not being able to go anywhere fun, Taurus! The world is in lockdown and you miss napping at your human’s side while they down endless mimosas at brunch. You miss socializing sans mask and attending parties with lots of other dogs. You’re trying to be safe, but you can’t help but miss going on adventures! That’s why you’ve decided to try something very different and very adventurous — lucid dreaming. What if you could dream of faraway places and control where the dream goes? Sounds paw-sitively dogtastic! However, this newfound interest of yours does sound like an excuse to do the one thing your human already thinks you do too much: sleep. Come on, Taurus. You’ve already taken seven naps today!
You’re tired of being mistaken for every other dog of the same breed as you, Gemini. You’re sick of everyone believing that all dogs want is belly rubs, treats, squeaky toys, and naps! You have a deep and intense fear of being “paw-dinary,” and, this week, it’s more terrifying than ever. You’re thinking of ways you can spice up your identity and show the world just how unique you really are! Maybe it’s time to learn a neat new trick no one’s ever heard of? Perhaps you’re ready for a haircut that makes every head at the dog park turn? Hey, why not purchase a new collar with enough bling to put even the sun to shame? Experiment with yourself, Gemini, but don’t forget: You’re already interesting on your own. After all, you are a Gemini!
You know what sucks about being a Cancer? You tend to avoid uncomfortable conversations like the plague. Don’t even try to deny it! You’d much rather beat around the ball than bark about what’s really going on. That’s why you need all the strength you can get because it’s time to ask for that promotion you most definitely deserve! Your boss should have given you this promotion months ago and you know it. Put your paw down and be direct, Cancer. Settle for nothing less than the office overlooking the dog park and a significant income increase of bones. You’ve got more than enough experience under your collar and you’re ready for more responsibility. This is not the time to let sleeping dogs lie!
Life is starting to feel so monotonous lately, Leo. Every day, you get up with your human, go outside to pee, eat your kibble, nap, go outside for a walk and/or poo, play around with your ball for a while, sleep, and repeat. It’s starting to get old! You want passion, love, inspiration, creativity, and romance. Anything to get your tail wagging! You’re starting to question the meaning of life. You’re asking yourself, “Is that all there is?” Come on, snap out of it, Leo. Your life isn’t that bad. Remember the many things you have to be grateful for. You have a comfortable home, a human who loves you, and a beautiful blue sky above you! Don’t you remember how lonely you felt back when you were waiting for someone to adopt you? Life is so much better than it was then and gratitude will save you this week!
Text, call or video chat with a real vet — any time, day or night.
You’ve been dating the Puggle for a while now, Virgo, and you’ve been taking things slow. They don’t call your zodiac sign “the Virgin” for nothing! You’re not interested in a wham, bam, thank you ma’am. You want your first time with the Puggle to be special! You want it to be more than just sniffing each other’s butts and then getting on with it. And you know what, Virgo? You deserve that. There’s nothing wrong with telling the Puggle that you’re interested in more than a one night stand-on-your-hind-legs. While it means putting all your cards on the table, it will also let you know whether or not the Puggle is on the same page. And if the Puggle just wants a hookup? Well, at least you have your answer. P.S. make sure you’re both fixed. Safety first!
You and the Yorkie have been doing a lot of talking lately, Libra. You’ve decided to put your paws together and start a business! Two dogs are always better than one, right? You’d have to be evil to think otherwise! Anyway, you’re making quite a few bones selling bacon treats to all the local dogs, but this week, you’re having creative differences. While you want to keep your business small and sell only to your neighborhood pack, your partner has other ideas. They want to go corporate, cut corners on organic ingredients, and get rich! You agree that all these extra bones sure do make you feel fancy, but you can’t sacrifice your integrity. Luckily, compromise is what you do best. Maybe you guys can come to an agreement!
Admit it, Scorpio. You haven’t been eating all that healthy lately. You’ve been chowing down on paw-fulls of sugary treats and greasy meats. In fact, you and your human have been eating fast food every week (and you’re not even supposed to eat fast food… like, ever). Even your poop has been extra smelly as of late! It’s time to change your eating habits, Scorpio. Break out the old doggie cookbook and start grilling, boiling, baking, chopping, and, of course, eating! Make a trip to the grocery store and pick out all organic, low-sodium, low-fat ingredients. If you start making healthier decisions, your human will follow suit. Then they won’t get tired after taking you on a 15-minute walk and you know how much cutting your walk short bugs you!
You’ve always dreamed of being an artist, Sagittarius. However, there’s something standing in the way of you expressing your creativity. Was it the time the cat laughed at your drawing of a tree, saying it looked “more like a stick” and then called you a dumb dog? Or was it back when you were a puppy, when everyone else in your litter said “dogs can’t be artists”? Stop giving these bad memories power over you! Who cares what anyone thinks, sweet Sag? Every great artist had haters, so this must mean you’re an INCREDIBLE artist. Oh, and one more thing: Just because you’d rather put paw to paper and draw pictures than play fetch all afternoon doesn’t make you any less of a dog. In fact, it makes you even more of a dog, because a true dog always lives their dream!
You put so much pressure on yourself to be strong, Capricorn. You prefer to be the most well-behaved dog at the dog park — the dog that never barks out of turn, never breaks the rules, and certainly never grumbles or whines! However, you’re bottling all your emotions up and this week, you just might burst. Whether it’s the way the hummingbirds look so beautiful flying through the backyard or the fact that your human just turned on “Marley and Me,” you’re this close to bursting into doggie tears. Let it out, Capricorn. The only one judging you for having feelings is you. Everyone else loves and accepts you for exactly who you are! And remember this — you’re a dog, not a robot.
You’re such an intellectual dog, Aquarius. In fact, you’re one of the most original thinkers in all the zodiac! You’re a trailblazer, a legend, and a genius. That’s why the fact that no one seems able to have an intelligent conversation is really bumming you out. However, you can’t expect your hometown pack to be up to speed on Marxist theory, nor prepared to engage in a dialogue about existentialism vs. nihilism. You gotta remember — they’re just dogs! You might need to look outside your species for something a little more intellectually stimulating. After all, your neighbor is a talking parrot who can recite Shakespeare and there’s a pig who lives down the street (and you know pigs are technically smarter than dogs). Strike up a pretentious conversation with either one of them, Aquarius!
You prefer to live freely and easily, Pisces. After all, you are one of the most spiritual dogs in the zodiac. You hate ego, materialism, and going to work! Because you’re a dog and all, you’re lucky that you don’t technically have to go to work. However… something’s changed about you lately, Pisces… you finally got your stimulus check in the mail, that’s what! Suddenly, you’re swimming in more bones than you know what to do with! You’re wondering if maybe you should invest in puppy stock, start a dog walking business, or even treat yourself to a dog-cation! But, let’s be honest, Pisces. You know you already have everything you need. You’d feel so much better about yourself if you donated that money to a worthy cause. Besides, you know that more bones = more problems!