July 06, 2020
In astrology, Mercury retrograde makes you feel nostalgic for the past. Dogs are no exception! Mercury retrograde might have your furry best friend romanticizing the last meal they ate instead of looking forward to the next one. It might have them missing the nature hikes you guys used to take together instead of appreciating the walk you’re currently on! It’s enough to make you want to read last week’s dog horoscope instead to this week’s.
Luckily, you won’t be replaying old memories in your head forever because Mercury retrograde comes to an end on July 12. However, that still means you’ve got one more week left of this confusing, tail-between-your legs transit. As you count down the days until it’s over, your dog’s horoscope for the week of July 6 to July 12 will help you get through it.
If you don’t know your dog’s birthday, take your dog’s zodiac sign quiz here!
You live for simple pleasures, Aries. After all, you’re an Aries dog, which means you’re a straight shooter and you don’t beat around the bone! All it takes to make your tail wag is a tasty treat, a ball to play with, and a warm bed to sleep in. Speaking of beds, you might have trouble sleeping this week. It probably has something to do with the fact that the cat keeps stealing it! They’re leaving your bed covered in cat hair and clawed to shreds. This is the third time the cat has ruined a bed of yours and you’re officially fed up! It’s time to have a serious talk with your feline roommate. However, they don’t speak “bark” and “woof.” Approach the situation in a “cat-like” fashion, and they’ll understand you so much better!
Admit it, Taurus dog. You’re kinda lazy! Even though you’re so good at accomplishing your goals when you set your mind to it, there are no other dogs in the zodiac who take as many naps as you do. This week, your laziness may be catching up with you. It’s time to address your poor texting habits, Taurus, because the rest of the dogs in your pack are sick and tired of being left on “read.” In fact, you may have noticed that your friends have stopped texting you all together! If you’re wondering why no one’s been hitting you up lately, you have no one to blame but yourself. Come on, throw your friends a bone and just reply the minute you get the text! You know you’re not really doing anything important.
You’re taking retail therapy very seriously lately, Gemini dog! You’ve “bought” into the idea that money can buy happiness or something. You just purchased a luxury dog house with built-in Bluetooth, a treat dispenser machine, a designer dog leash, and even a diamond encrusted name tag! Your human will probably pass out when they see the bills, just FYI. But as these ridiculous purchases start arriving on your doorstep, you might discover that your tail wags for about five minutes before you start feeling bored all over again. That’s because you’re a dog and dogs don’t need expensive things to feel happy! You know what a dog needs? Love! Simple as that. So go lick your human (and get a part-time job to help them pay for these bills).
Chat with a real vet — any time, day or night.
Your human just bought a new window for the house, Cancer dog. But this isn’t just any ordinary window. Whenever you look through the window, another dog stares right back at you! It’s honestly freaking you out. You probably have so many questions! Who is this dog and why do they always bark at the same time as you? Why are they always staring directly into your eyes and only looking away when you do? You’re also wondering why your human always walks by and laughs at you whenever you look out this window and stare at this other dog. This is not funny, this is serious business! OK, Cancer. Have you ever looked behind this window? If there’s no other side, that means this window is a mirror and you’ve been barking at your own reflection. Whoops!
You’ve been running around in circles, chasing your tail, and dealing with so much doggie anxiety, Leo dog. It’s time to acknowledge how stressed out you’ve been feeling! You’ve been going through a lot lately and no one can blame you. The cat keeps peeing on your toys, your human switched you to diet dog food, and the dog across the street keeps barking at you during your walks! Have you ever tried meditation, Leo? Just sit still, close your eyes, relax your muscles, and focus on your breathing. Inhale and exhale… oh, who we you kidding? A dog? Meditation? Calming down?! Since when have these things ever mixed? A good old fashioned game of fetch is what you really need. It’ll tire you out so much you won’t have the energy to be stressed!
You’re such a cautious dog, Virgo dog. Your zodiac sign is associated with cleanliness and organization for a reason! However, your human is starting to think you’re a bit of a neat freak lately. You’ve literally been organizing your toys based on color, fabric, category, and size. That is not normal, Virgo! You’re a dog. You’re supposed to actually be PLAYING with these toys, not organizing them! You’re supposed to be ripping them to shreds with your teeth and making your human go back to the store and buy you new ones. Lighten up, Virgo. The world won’t fall apart if your toys are a little out of order and your human certainly won’t judge you for being messy. They bought you those toys so you would enjoy them, not sort them!
You’ve been working so hard at your job lately, Libra dog. What’s your job, exactly? Being a dog! Of course that’s your job, who would hire a dog to do an actual job that receives a paycheck? Anyway, you’ve been coming when called, sitting when told, and listening to every single one of your human’s commands! You’ve even gone out of your way to be extra clean and you refuse to drag dirt into the house whenever you return to the house after a trip to the backyard. Fortunately for you, your human has noticed all your efforts and they would love to give you a promotion. Instead of sleeping on the floor next to the bed, your human would now love to formally offer you a position on THEIR bed. This is a big deal, Libra. You’re at the top of the food chain now!
You love maintaining your aura of mystery, Scorpio dog. If the world didn’t know any better, they’d think you were a cat! THAT’S how secretive you are. Unfortunately, you opened up to your human while they were rubbing your belly and you let it slip that you occasionally enjoy sniffing other dogs’ butts. It’s not fair! They were rubbing your belly and you had a weak moment! Now they know you actually enjoy doing the savage things that other dogs enjoy doing. Damage control is needed because you can’t have your human thinking you’re… normal! You probably have to hold off on sniffing other dogs’ butts for a few months now and hope they forget all about your little conversation. I know it’s hard, but you’re a Scorpio, and your secrets are everything!
You hate following the rules, Sagittarius dog. It’s what makes you such a Sagittarius! You’re wild, angsty, and exciting. In your opinion, following the rules is boring! That’s why you’re considering taking a major risk this week. Your human has been eating steak for dinner every single night lately while they feed you a boring old can of dog food. Watching them eat is making your mouth water. Your meal looks like literal garbage compared to theirs! And sure you like garbage, but that steak looks amazing! That’s why you are THIS close to stealing their it when they aren’t looking. You’ve got it all planned out. You’ll swallow it so fast that there won’t even be any evidence of your behavior. What’s the worst that can happen? They’ll put you outside for a 10 minute time out? You know it’s worth it!
There, there, Capricorn dog. Everything will be all right. Everyone knows how much you liked the Lhasa apso, but sometimes relationships simply aren’t meant to be. You had dreams of reliving that legendary spaghetti scene from “Lady and the Tramp” together. You wanted to put your paw in theirs and tell them how much you love them. You keep reliving the first time they “woofed” in your presence and how it made your Capricorn heart flutter. Breakups are hard, Capricorn, but time heals everything, even for a dog! You guys just wanted different things. You wanted romance and all they wanted was another treat. They simply aren’t on the same page as you are and that’s OK! They need to eat treats and live their best life while you need to keep your heart open for the next lover.
You’re feeling really annoyed with everyone lately, Aquarius dog. There’s simply no other way to put it! Everyone’s in your neighborhood has been bumping the song “I Love My Dog” by Cat Stevens lately, but you loved that song way before everyone else did. You loved how cool and edgy listening to that song made you feel because no one had heard of it! Now that everyone and their mom is listening to the song and making it “trendy,” you can’t stand it. In fact, you hope you never hear that song again in your life! Take it easy, Aquarius. Everyone knows you discovered that song first! The fact that everyone’s listening to it doesn’t make it any less cool. As a matter of fact, it validates what great taste you have!
You’re the dreamiest zodiac sign of all, Pisces dog. Anyone who knows astrology knows that! However, lately, you’ve been even dreamier than usual. In fact, you’re daydreaming so much that you’re literally bumping into walls! Your human is concerned there’s something wrong with you. Fortunately, there’s nothing wrong with you; you’re just a Pisces! This week, when you go on your walk, be careful of bumping into street poles while you stare at the pretty flowers. When you walk to your water bowl for a drink, be careful you don’t accidentally knock it over because you saw a fly buzzing in the air. Just pay attention, Pisces! Focus on the task at hand and you’ll be all right. You can always set aside time for distractions later!