July 27, 2020
When you think of dogs, a smile instantly forms on your face. They’re happy, energetic, and totally enamored of their humans! What’s not to love? Well, truth be told, while dogs may appear as though they’re in a perpetually good mood, even they have their ups and downs. Like, for example, when their human spends a little TOO MUCH time with the cat. Or, when their human refuses to give them a bite of their filet mignon dinner. Considering how chaotic the astrology slated to take place this week is, it’s totally understandable if your dog is in the mood to growl!
In case you got caught up in a fierce game of fetch and you forgot to check it, here’s last week’s dog horoscope. Now that we’re all up to date, here’s your dog horoscope for the week of July 27 to August 2. Woof woof!
You’re feeling so flirty this week that it’s got you sticking your booty in the air and sashaying that tail of yours, Aries dog! You’re in the mood to wear your most adorable collar, get your nails painted with doggie-safe polish, and shampoo that coat. After all, you need to look your best when you take your photos for doggie Tinder! You’re not entering the online dating world with a couple of grainy, low-contrast selfies, that’s for sure. You’re going to make so many dogs swipe right that you literally cause the app to crash! Live it up, Aries dog. There’s no reason to make a commitment just yet, because all you need is a reminder that you’ve still got it. And boy, oh boy, oh boy, you’ve definitely still got it!
Your human loves animals, Taurus dog. It’s one of the zillions of reasons you reciprocate their love with so much gusto! However, they randomly decided to bring home a new pet from the pet store, and it’s got your jealousy tingling. Is it a hamster? A guinea pig? A rat? You can’t really tell. All you know is they look a LOT like some of your squeaky toys, which is another reason your human is nervous about letting you take a closer look at them! Don’t worry, Taurus dog. Your human may have introduced a new critter into the home but there’s no way they’ll ever take your place in your human’s heart. There’s more than enough love to go around!
Your mind is running faster than anything you could possibly catch, Gemini dog! One negative thought leads to another and suddenly you’re wasting the whole day chasing your tail. It’s not your fault you’re ruled by Mercury — planet of brains — and you can’t help but overthink! Here’s some solid advice: Put that mind of yours to good use. Why not study the history of dogs? Learn more about various dog breeds? Understand how different cultures around the world value dogs? Instead of feeling nervous or anxious, you can feel as though you’re buzzing with new information, Gemini dog! Whenever your thoughts take a turn for the negative, put your paw on something interesting instead.
You’re feeling exceptionally possessive of your food bowl lately, Cancer dog. The second the cat gets a little TOO close to your dinner, you start growling and sometimes you even bark! It’s totally understandable that you feel annoyed whenever they want a taste of your meals. After all, you are a dog and you can’t let a cat be the alpha in this house! But, come on, Cancer dog. Getting so bent out of shape over a little doggie kibble really isn’t a good look. When you bark at the cat like that, your human thinks YOU’RE the bad guy, not the other way around. Your best bet? Let the cat nibble at your food until your human notices and the CAT looks like the bad guy instead.
You’re in the mood for a whole identity change, Leo dog! After all, just because you’re an old dog doesn’t mean you can’t learn new tricks. In fact, you’re even thinking of renaming yourself! Your human chose your name when they first adopted you but you’ve evolved so much since then. You’re ready to pick your name yourself! However, you’re realizing that a new name does come with some caveats. Whenever your human calls you, you don’t come! You’re used to hearing your old name, so it makes sense. How are you gonna know when dinner’s ready or when it’s time for a cuddle, Leo dog?! Are you sure you’re committed to this name change? There are other ways to exert your independence, you know!
You’ve been napping so much lately that your human is starting to think you’re lazy, Virgo dog. However, it’s not because you’re lazy, it’s because you’re having so many vivid dreams! In fact, you’re waking up from your dreams feeling totally inspired. You literally woke up from a dream about a song that came straight from your imagination, fully formed! When does that ever happen!? The song is going to be even bigger than “Who Let The Dogs Out” by Baha Men! Time for a record label, right? The only issue is… can you even remember the song? You swear it goes something like THIS… or was it this? Uh-oh. You forgot your dream again, didn’t you, Virgo dog?
Thanks to all this frustrating (but necessary) social distancing, you haven’t really been able to play with your furry friends at the dog park lately, Libra dog. It’s enough to make your air sign personality want to whimper and whine! That’s why you’re thinking of starting a weekly Zoom club, Libra dog. What will your club be about? Will it be a doggie book club where you discuss the latest canine fables? How about a fashion club where you each model your newest doggie sweaters? Maybe even a culinary canine club where you share your best tips to spice up some bland kibble? Whatever your club is, you shouldn’t give up on it. You’re not the only dog who’s feeling lonely and in need of some canine stimulation!
Lately, you’ve been doing some serious thinking, Scorpio dog. You’re wondering why your human gets to be the one who tells you to “sit,” “lie down,” and “roll over.” Who decided that humans get to be in charge?! You’re a dominant and intense Scorpio dog who bows to no one, not even the person who feeds you every day! So, you’re in the mood to turn the tables around by telling your human what to do instead. You’re barking all the same commands at them! And yet, they don’t quite… understand what you’re saying. Then they tell you to be “quiet” and suddenly you go quiet… wait a minute. Why are you listening to their commands while you try to command them!? This was not part of the plan!
You’re feeling very paw-lo-sophical lately, Sagittarius dog. It’s no wonder, considering how you’re a very paw-lo-sophical dog, indeed. You’re ruled by Jupiter — planet of adventure and expansion — and you’re always questioning the meaning of life! You’re asking questions, like: “Why DO I want to chase that ball even though I know it will be thrown yet again?” and “Why DO I want to eat cheese so badly even though I know it’s not good for me?” You’re even reading paw-lo-sophers like Soren Kierke-bark and Friedrich Paw-tzsche. Just when you’re about to uncover the meaning of life, however, your human always interrupts your thoughts with a treat. Oh well. The treats are worth it!
You’ve developed a very bad habit lately, Capricorn dog. You’re probably thinking: “Bad habits? ME?! You’ve gotta be kidding me,” but it’s true, dear Cappy. Even you’re capable of succumbing to your worst instincts. This bad habit? You’re chewing your foot… all the damn time! It makes no sense, considering how you’ve got toys, bones, and treats to chew on. Why your foot? What about it is so delectable that you can’t resist chewing on it?! You know why, Capricorn dog. It’s because your human told you not to! The forbidden element is what makes it all so exciting. However, you know better than this. There are way better ways to live dangerously than to chew on your own foot!
Your human could tell that you’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately, Aquarius dog. That’s why they decided to adopt another dog… a Labrador retriever! They wanted you to have another furry friend to keep you company. However, you’re completely at a loss, Aquarius dog. You don’t want to have to share your human with another dog! You already hate having to share them with the cat but there’s nothing you can do about it at this point. Now they want to bring another dog into the house? For Pete’s sake! Give it a chance, Aquarius dog. You know you’ve been staring out the window longingly. You know you could use a friend. Besides, this Lab is a new dog on the block. They could really use some love to welcome them home!
You’re naturally dreamy, Pisces dog. If you had it your way, you’d be lying in the grass all day long sniffing daisies and watching the butterflies while you get absolutely nothing done. But lately, you’re sniffing a different tune! You’re in the mood to write out a to-chew list and get everything done! You want a healthy routine in which you wake up in the morning, go for a long walk, eat a yummy all-organic meal, play with your toys, immediately put your toys away, and then cuddle with your human while watching a documentary on Animal Planet. Your human is so impressed with the way you’ve been spending your time! However, you might spot another butterfly sooner or later and get carried off to dreamland. You can’t change a Pisces dog!