July 13, 2020
You’re probably wondering why your dog has been hiding under a blanket and watching “Marley and Me” while crying and eating spoonfuls of ice cream, right? Well, it’s Cancer season… duh! There’s always an astrological reason for these things. ALWAYS! And the reason you and your furry best friend are feeling way more emotional than what is generally considered socially acceptable? The sun is in Cancer, the zodiac sign that is literally ruled by the moon, the celestial body that governs your innermost feelings. So grab that box of tissues and embrace what this season is all about!
You know you never want to miss what the stars have planned, so here’s last week’s dog horoscope in case you missed it. When you’re all caught up on the cosmos, get a load of your dog horoscope for the week of July 13 to July 19, because there is plenty of dog-citement to go around.
You’ve been spending a LOT of time at home this year, Aries dog. Normally, you hate it when your humans are gone for too long, but now you consider a moment alone to be a blessing! When you told your humans to spend more time at home, you definitely didn’t mean ALL their time. But that’s neither here nor there, because it is what it is. However, you CAN make the best of it, and this week, you should ask your humans to throw you a bone and make the home environment more suited to your needs. Ask them if you could all watch more Animal Planet, eat more steak dinners, and play fetch in the backyard not just every once in a while, but every other day. You deserve rights around the house too, Aries dog!
It sucks that you and your best friend, the Jack Russell Terrier, are fighting right now, Taurus dog. Do you even remember what started the fight? Because you’re probably fighting over something very, very silly! But, at the end of the day, you’re both prideful creatures and neither of you wants to admit you were wrong and apologize. Now you guys aren’t even talking! Come on, Taurus dog. The silent treatment is for cats, not dogs! That’s literally why the expression is called “cat’s got your tongue,” because not talking to your best friend for an extended period of time is something felines do, not canines. Make the first move, Taurus dog. You know you hate not talking to them!
Some of the other dogs at the dog park have gotten new leashes, Gemini dog. These leashes? They’re glittering with rhinestones. Wherever they walk, they sparkle! Even though you’re laughing it off and pretending you don’t care, you can’t help but feel a teeny weeny bit jealous. You wish your human would by you a dazzling dog leash! What does a Gemini gotta do to get dazzling dog leash around here?! Don’t worry about it, Gemini dog. While they’ve got fake diamonds, you’ve got a whole lot of personality. You don’t need your leash to sparkle when your personality does that naturally! And even if you feel tempted to mention that rhinestones are tacky, resist the temptation to throw shade. You’re better than that, Gemini!
Your human thought it would be a great idea to save money by doing your hair at home instead of taking you to the groomers, Cancer dog. And even though you instantly had a bad feeling about it, you obliged because you didn’t want to hurt your human’s feelings. Now look what happened! Your fur is totally uneven and you’re embarrassed to be seen in public! Your human doesn’t seem to see the problem either, which is why they’ve been dragging you to the dog park anyway. All the other dogs are laughing at you and you’re probably feeling totally insecure. But, who cares what they think, Cancer dog? Refuse to let them get you down! If you laugh it off and live your best life, they’ll realize you’re too cool to make fun of anyway.
That same recurring dream is popping up again, Leo dog. Well, it’s barely even a dream, because it’s more like a nightmare! It’s that one dream where you’ve suddenly transformed into the cat! You’re sleeping 75% of the day, meowing incessantly for food, hissing whenever your human frustrates you, and worst of all… you’re peeing in a litter box. It’s such a horrifying dream that you’re freaking out just thinking about it! It’ll be OK, Leo dog. After all, it’s just a dream! Have you ever considered that your negative opinion of cats is making this nightmare worse? Try to see cats in a brighter light, because they’re really not so bad. They’re also soft, they purr, and they’re super fun to chase around. Think happy thoughts, Leo dog!
You and your human watched that movie about Eurovision on Netflix, Virgo dog, and it really got your tail wagging! Now, you’re thinking of rounding up your friends at the dog park and starting a band! You’re dreaming of all the dogs in the world barking along to your songs in stadiums filled to the brim with canines. Your genre of music? Bark and roll, of course! Or was it bone-bop? Uh-oh, you’re already having creative differences with your band mate, the Siberian husky. Try facilitating an environment where everyone’s ideas can come together instead of being so stubborn, Virgo dog! Remember, while you are the lead singer, this is everyone’s band, not just yours!
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Even though humans don’t think you can hear what they’re talking about, you understand more than they think! And you’ve been hearing the words “what do you wanna be when you grow up?” get thrown around a lot lately, Libra dog. You’re probably wondering why no one ever asks YOU that question. After all, you’ve got dreams too! Just because you’re a dog doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to have a career, Libra dog. Maybe you want to become a doggie dentist? How about a doggie librarian? Maybe even a doggie chef? You can accomplish whatever you set your paw to! Just make sure that you never give up, not even when your human acts surprised when you chime into the conversation with ideas of your own!
You’re sick and tired of not being able to travel this summer, Scorpio dog! You had dreams of running on a tropical beach with your human by your side, playing around in the water on the shore, and eating treats under the sun. You’re totally bummed you had to cancel your trip! Luckily, you’re a dog, and dogs always know how to have a good time, even when curveballs get thrown your way (and not the fun kind of balls that you chase). You know what you should do instead? Recreate your vacation at home! Light some coconut-scented candles, turn on a relaxing video of ocean waves, and wear sunglasses around the house. It may not be the real thing, but at least it’s a fun distraction, Scorpio dog!
You lost your favorite toy, Sagittarius dog, and you’re feeling absolutely heartbroken. Who knew a squeaky pig toy could hold such significance in your heart? When you got it, you were just a puppy, and you’ve been playing with it ever since! But believe it or not, a lot of good can come out of this experience, Sagittarius dog. For one thing, you’re learning how to keep a better eye on your things! If you made a point of putting away your toys when you were finished playing with them, you’d remember exactly where your toy was. From now on, you know you’ll keep better track of your things! And besides, that toy was covered in chew marks, dirt, and grime. It’s time for a new toy!
Well, well, Capricorn dog. The Lhasa apso that broke up with you last week? Looks like they suddenly want to “get coffee” and “talk about your ruff-lationship.” My, my, how the tables have turned! Last week, they wouldn’t return your calls or give you a second chance. Now, they’re saying they miss you! You’ve had some time to heal and get over the relationship, Capricorn dog. Now, the ball is in your court. Do you want to give them a second chance? Or do you feel disrespected that they ended things in the first place? Even if your heart may say one thing, it’s important that you really think this through. Remember, they broke your heart once. Who says they won’t do it again? However, love will always be a risk, Capricorn dog. Maybe this time WILL be different.
You’ve been spending so much time watching reruns of “Scooby-Doo,” napping all afternoon long, and eating more treats than you can stomach. Now, you’ve fallen behind on your tasks, Aquarius dog! Admit it: You’ve been pup-crastinating. Don’t be so hard on yourself about it because the truth is, EVERYONE does it! But the longer you wait to get to work, the harder it becomes. You may feel overwhelmed and defeated before you’ve even begun, but don’t look at it that way. Just do one thing at a time! You’re only one dog, and there’s only so much you can do at once, so take it paw by paw. Eventually, you’ll have accomplished so much! But you better hide that remote because “Scooby-Doo” certainly ain’t helping.
Welcome to social distancing summer, Pisces dog! You probably miss the good old days of getting to sniff other dogs’ butts, chase around neighborhood cats, and paw-ty by the pool. After all, that’s really what summer’s all about! Unfortunately, you’ve got to think of a different way to have fun this time around because 2020 is a strange year indeed (even for a dog)! But hey, Pisces dog. You’ve got the biggest imagination in the entire zodiac! If anyone can make this summer fun, it’s you. So play some indoor fetch, call up your canine pack on Zoom, and spend some quality time hiking with your human in an open air space, because these activities are both safe AND fun. In fact, because you have to MAKE this summer fun, it might even be way more fun than usual!