April 13, 2020
Your dog’s horoscope for the week of April 13 to April 19 is here, and it’s every lazy dog’s dream come true. What am I talking about? Oh, just the fact that it’s about to be Taurus season, of course. While the sun was in competitive and energetic Aries, your dog couldn’t put down the squeaky toy or give up on their emotionally fraught game of tug of war. But now that the sun is moving into Taurus? All your dog feels like doing is eating, sleeping, and cuddling. If you’re having enough trouble leaving your bed, Taurus season is going to make it all the more difficult for you and your cozy pup. So set aside that to-chew list, microwave some popcorn, and throw on a movie you’ve seen a million times before. It’s Taurus season, baby!
However, if you’re feeling feeling nostalgic for the passion and intensity of Aries season, why not relive the past and re-read last week’s dog horoscope? But if you’re feeling ready to embrace Taurus season (AKA the season of doing absolutely nothing), this week’s horoscope has got you covered:
Since you’re an Aries, you’re the type of dog who’d much rather spend the afternoon playing fetch than sitting in a salon chair. If you had the choice between rolling in the mud and staying clean, we all know what you’d choose! However, this week, you’re barking a different tune, and you might discover that you actually want to look stylish and luxurious for a change. In fact, this might be a paws-itively wonderful time for you to rethink your entire wardrobe. You used to make fun of dogs who wear clothes, but now all you can think about is a cashmere sweater. Why not find a matching pair of boots and a collar to complete the look? You can ruff it later, Aries. This week? You’re struttin’ it.
Hey, Taurus. It’s your birthday. We’re gonna rub your belly like it’s your birthday. We gonna eat doggie treats like it’s your birthday. And even though we’re in lockdown and you can’t throw a party, there are plenty of other ways to celebrate! Besides, you’re the last zodiac sign to care about hosting a huge social affair in honor of your birth. You’d much rather spend the day eating sugary goodies with your human, watching your favorite comfort movie (let me guess: “101 Dalmations”), and enjoying a day of doing absolutely nothing. You’re the type of dog who sees the stereotypical birthday as a whole lot of work. You’d much rather celebrate by chewing on your foot and sleeping in, so do things your way!
Since you’re a loud, extroverted, and busy Gemini, you’re the last dog anyone would ever expect to crawl under the bed for some alone time. Even though your human might be worried about how anti-social you’re acting, let them know there’s nothing to worry about. Even you need some time to yourself every once in a while! Your dog-tuition is feeling very strong this week and it’s the perfect time to put your paws together and pray for your wolf ancestors, to put paw to paper and jot down your thoughts in your journal, and to simply shut your eyes and dream of faraway places. You’re not just a dog, Gemini. You’re a spiritual creature and the Egyptian canine god of Anubis knows it!
You’re a compassionate, bark-ative, and loving Cancer and if anyone’s facilitating that pack mentality, it’s you. Unfortunately, you’re probably spending this lockdown chasing your tail, and it’s all thanks to the fact that you haven’t seen all your neighborhood canine friends in several weeks. Well, just because you can’t lick each other in person doesn’t mean you can’t host a very dog-friendly Zoom meeting. Send invites out to all your furry best friends, switch on your camera, and you’ll have everyone howling in unison before you know it. Your social life doesn’t have to end just because you’re social distancing at home, Cancer. Your pack is waiting for you to put your best paw forward!
You’re a dog, Leo. Nobody expects you to do more than roll over, play fetch, and act adorable. It’s a pretty easy job, isn’t it? You’d beg to differ, Leo. You see being a dog as the greatest opportunity an animal could ever have. You’re not just going to do the bare minimum. You’re going to become the best dog you can paw-ssibly be! You’ve got dreams of becoming famous and successful, and with how creative you are, TikTok is your best shot at canine notoriety. Why not make an account and direct hilarious videos of you doing funny tricks and acting out silly scenarios with your human? By the time this lockdown is over, you’ll be a household name, and there’s nothing more paw-some than that!
Rumor has it that your zodiac sign isn’t considered romantic, Virgo. Your vibes aren’t exactly “Lady and the Tramp.” Instead, they’re more Brian Griffin from “Family Guy,” but I digress. It’s not that you aren’t romantic, Virgo. It’s simply that you refuse to waste your time on anything less than true love! You’re not a sweet barker or a prince paw-ming and you’re not the dog who’s got all the flirtatious moves. Instead, you’re loyal, serious, and always there for your loved ones, human or otherwise! This week, you might feel like deepening your bond with your love interest and showing them what a Virgo’s love is all about, and while that might not include writing pup-etry or delivering roses with your snout, it’s just as meaningful.
It’s as if the zodiac sign Libra was made for a dog. After all, Libra is the zodiac sign of partnership and, at the end of the day, dogs are considered man’s best friend! However, you tend to take your job of always being by your human’s side very seriously… sometimes, a little too seriously. In fact, your human might want a little space! They can’t take a shower without you waiting right outside the door or even eat their steak dinner without you begging for a bite. Lighten up, Libra! There’s so much joy to be found in exerting your independence. I know the idea of being a lone wolf goes against your very nature, but let’s rebrand that image, shall we? Instead of lone wolf, let’s call it “confident wolf” because that makes way more sense.
You’ve got such a big heart, Scorpio. Not only are you a dog (and what dog doesn’t have a big heart?) but you’re a Scorpio dog, and Scorpio is the deepest sign in all the zodiac. In fact, your heart is so big that you’ve forged a very unlikely but serious friendship with the cat! Who knew? Just because your species are historically at odds doesn’t mean you don’t have a lot in common. I mean, you’re both cuddly, cute, and friendly. It doesn’t get much more compatible than that! However, your pack of dogs might be judging you and teasing you about your feline friendship. Just ignore them! Romeo and Juliet certainly didn’t care what their parents thought of their love, and you should have the same attitude toward your new companion.
You’ve been sitting at home for the past few weeks, and that’s a special kind of torture for a Sagittarius dog. You’re an adventurer down to your very core! You dream of exploring Machu Picchu without a leash and barking your heart out at the edge of a cliff. You’re probably sick and tired of being surrounded by the same four walls and eating the same bland meals every day. The very least you can do is turn on nature documentaries and spice up your meals, right? Why not spend this week doing just that? Break out the old dog food recipe book. Turn your canned turkey into Thanksgiving turkey. Transform your chicken bits into a rotisserie chicken. Your nickname in the kitchen? Chef Bones, of course!
Who knew you could be so rebellious, Capricorn? People think of you as the dog who’s quiet, well-behaved, and obedient. You didn’t just go to doggie training school. You graduated with a PhD in potty training and you were even summa cum laude! You don’t just sit when you’re told. You do it with military grace. You don’t just come when you’re called. You arrive in an instant! However, you’re feeling like breaking the rules this week, Capricorn, so live it up. You’ve been on your best behavior for so long that at this point, it’s healthy for you to indulge your darker instincts. Just as long as you don’t break the rule of maintaining 6 feet of social distancing at all times, feel free to rebrand yourself as a “very bad dog”!
Your human family does so much for you, Aquarius. They shelter you, feed you whenever you’re hungry, provide you with a warm bed, and take you for a walk whenever you need to pee. However, your humans are probably feeling exhausted at the moment and they could really use your help! Lend a helping paw in whatever way you can. If there are young kids in the house, entertain them so their parents can catch a break! If they’re serving dinner, temper your instincts to beg and let them eat in peace. If they’re taking you for a walk, try to poop in a convenient spot! There are so many little things you can do to show your appreciation, Aquarius.
You’ve got so many things to say, Pisces. However, the way you get your point across can make all the difference in your ability to effectively communicate. I know your impulse may be to bark with your entire diaphragm, but you need to consider your audience! Other dogs will get what you’re saying, but humans? They might find your barking loud and over-the-top. There are so many other ways you can use that canine voice of yours, Pisces. You could whimper, growl, and sigh. As a matter of fact, you don’t even have to use your voice! You could paw at them, rub against them, and even give them a lick. In fact, your human would prefer those modes of communication best of all because your human will translate it as love.